Dear Girl on the Train From London: The next time you are going to vocalize your pompous, asinine, ignorant opinions about my country, try actually knowing what the $&%# you're talking about, and then checking whether any citizens of the country you're complaining about are in your immediate vicinity. By the way, no, there are not people lying dead all over the streets of my country because they don't have health care, and no, emergency rooms do not turn people away. That's the whole point of an emergency room. Oh, and also, it takes a little more than a "couple of days" to get a driver's license there. You know what? Why don't you just go ahead and not talk every again? I think it would be in everyone's best interest.
Dear Person on FanFiction.Net: I understand and appreciate that you are enjoying my writing. However, it is unnecessary to literally copy and paste the same comment to every single chapter of every single story. And I assume you post the same review on every other story you like. However, your carbon-copy responses imply to me that no thought goes into them and it is more of a knee-jerk reaction than anything. Why don't you try switching it up? Maybe "interesting" or "exciting" or "funny" instead of "good story?" And how about "looking forward to more" or "hope you update soon" as opposed to "more please?" I don't mean to be rude to anyone who is reading my work, but...well, your redundant reviews get old very quickly, and they are disappointing when I am anticipating an actual heartfelt response that can tell me what I'm doing well or what I can improve.
Dear Other Person on FanFiction.Net: Yes, I'm aware that that story was a failed experiment. No need to get nasty about it. If you didn't like it, you didn't have to read it.
Dear Professor Who Won't Get Back To Me: I really do need to know whether you will write me that letter of recommendation. It's kind of important to my future. You know. Just a little. I don't mind if you can't, but I need to know so I can start approaching someone else before I start running out of time.
Dear Professors Who Lied to Me: Hi, remember my freshman year, the first week of school when I was quite upset and asked if the honors college would continue to conflict with theatre, and you said, "Oh no, after this semester, it won't be a problem?" Well, I'm going to graduate at the end of this year, and I'm here to call Bull-&$%#. Exhibit A: You just sent me a kindly worded e-mail "advising" me against accepting a teacher's aid position with you because if (by some miracle) I'm cast in a production, I won't be able to do both. Oh, and didn't I need this TA job for me to graduate? Right, just checking. Liars.
Dear Guys Working in the Grocery Store: Look, I have to shop at your store because it's convenient. Now, would you ALL stop being creepy and following me and staring at me and hovering a foot away from me completely unabashedly? It's freaking creepy. Seriously. It's weirding me out and I can't figure out why this happens every time I shop there.
Dear Writers of Action Comics 900th Issue: Screw. You. You do realize that without citizenship to a country (any country, really, although I just want to point out that in spite of the "all that other stuff" comment in the recent film, Superman has stood for Truth, Justice, and the American Way since 1932), Superman becomes Dr. Manhattan, right? Nobody wants that, you idiots. "Citizen of the Universe?" No such thing. But I believe the Beatles have an excellent song about what it's like to be a "Nowhere Man."
Dear French Girl Two Doors Down: I can't figure out if your insults are intentional or not, but you seem to toss a lot of them my way. I mean, I get all dressed up to go out, and you ask me if I'm going running? WTH? I'm completely nice to you!!!
Dear Person Working Reception: Hi, it's me again. Remember how I asked you to fix the lights in my room? Right, well, it's been a week, and I'm still sitting in the dark. Literally.
-sigh- Okay, I feel better now.
P.S. To Anyone Who Read This: I know it looks like I have a problem with foreigners, but I swear I don't! I just have had some isolated incidents recently. --Blue